On what to do...

when the only person I wanna talk to is the one I seem to hurt the most? He makes me smile when I feel like crying, he understands me when I lose my mind, and he chills me out when i'm pissed. He knows when to joke with me and when to comfort me and when to laugh at me. He doesn't judge me. He's honest with me and will tell me if i'm being stupid. He is everything I need him to be, but I (for some stupid reason) keep refusing to be the one thing he needs. Is it because I don't wanna hurt him? Maybe, but i've hurt him so much already and he stays with me. Is it because I don't like him? Definantly not. Is it because i'm insane and just don't know what I want? Probably. Ugh. Sorry just venting. No need to comment unless you really wanna.